A Bank Robber Is Busted Because She's Too Out-of-Shape to Run Away

If everyone in America continues to get chubbier and chubbier, could it mean the end of CRIME?  Here's a glimpse into our candy-coated future that says YES. 


23-year-old Shantoria Valentine of Omaha, Nebraska walked into a Wells Fargo bank branch on Monday afternoon and handed the teller a note saying she had a BOMB, and demanding money.  So the teller gave her some cash, and Shantoria took off running. 


Or at least she TRIED.  According to a witness, Shantoria wasn't really in running shape, quote, "she'd shuffle a little bit, run a little bit, walk a little bit, shuffle a little bit." 


Finally, a few blocks later, she just gave up and COLLAPSED on the sidewalk.  The cops arrested her . . . but she was so winded from trying to run a few blocks she actually needed medical attention and was hospitalized. 


Shantoria is facing felony charges for robbery, making terroristic threats, and threatening to use explosives.